Here we see a herd of Mat Rempits in their nightly migratory patterns to the hospital.
A rare sighting of the SuperMat Rempit . Image: The Malay Mail
Mat Rempits, Mat Moto, Mat Cemerlang, whatever you want to call them, if they’re getting their illicit activities endorsed by the government, we should be cashing in too.
According to a report in The Star Online:
Kuala Lumpur is planning to set up a night track around the city centre for mat rempit to race. Federal Territories Minister Datuk Seri Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor said the night track would be modelled after the bi-weekly Car-Free morning, where several roads in Kuala Lumpur would be closed to traffic for few hours to enable cyclists to ride on it.
The Star quoted Federal Territories Minister Datuk Seri Tengku Adnan as saying:
“It is not meant to encourage them to race, but to control the situation because we are aware that this is their only form of entertainment due to the high cost of living.”
Given that things have escalated pretty quickly since its “their only form of entertainment” we thought of five more activities we should legalise because, we’re pretty bored ourselves and we can’t bear the cost of living either.
1. Double Parking and Parking without a ticket
In Gaelic, Damansara Uptown means "You gon' get double parked". Image: RojakDaily
Get a compound ticket and pay it immediately, 50% discount. Get a compound ticket, sit on it for 10 years and get a 90% discount online. Please tell us you notice the flaw in this logic too. Why don’t we just legalise parking wherever the heck you want because paying those compound tickets take some money, some day. We Malaysians have enough to worry about with the high cost of living without having to fork out RM10 every 10 years for a compound ticket. Plus, it’s really entertaining creating a parking space when parking spaces are unavailable.
How about Topless Thursdays? Or Telanjang Thursdays? Indecent Isnin? You’d be providing people a lot of entertainment on a Thursday if you just open up a beach or a park for Telanjang Thursdays. Don’t worry about safety though, there will be barriers put up around the area for only the topless people. We don’t want anyone to accidentally stumble upon your nakedness.
There are already a slew of high-profile shooting cases that have been reported recently and 100% of the time, the victims failed to shoot back. We believe their inaction is directly correlated to the lack of a firearm by their side. We’re not saying sell guns with your side of kangkung at the morning market. Just maybe you take a course on handling a gun. Maybe you get a proper license after you successfully completed that course. Maybe you’ll find you have a shot in hell to survive your morning drive.
4. Hands-full Driving
Please sir, may I have some more? Image: Straits Times
We all do it. It’d be nice if for a few hours a day we get to drive while playing with our phones without looking behind every bush for a policeman. We can legalise driving while playing with your phone every weekday morning from 8am – 10am on the LDP, Federal Highway, NKVE, SMART tunnel, MEX – basically any road that leads anywhere. Ditto from 5pm – 8pm. We need the entertainment because not everyone has a police escort.
Run! Run to your hallucinogenic dreams!
If there was ever a time when we needed a medicinal way to forget about the rising cost of living in Malaysia and the lack of activities we can partake in for some fun, it is now. Actual medicinal benefits may be contested right now due to a lack of studies done with it, but if we legalise it, we’ve got lots of free hands who are looking for “entertainment” who can cultivate more cannabis for more research for a better tomorrow. Make it happen.
We'll be watering our tree waiting for all of these to be promptly legalised.
Dum dee dum...